Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What lies beneath?

I heard someone say this week "Now I know what's underneath carpet," as we were pulling up the soggy wet mess. And as the week wore on, I realized that now I know what lies beneath lots of things.

I know what is beneath sheet rock. Sometimes it's insulation and sometimes it's empty where insulation should have been. Not so different from what lies beneath people's smiles. Sometimes there is substance to their warmth and sometimes a hollow void. I've realized that some of the people I've thought would be there in a crisis, probably wouldn't I've heard them say "I'd like to help, but I don't like to touch dirty things". So I know, if my life gets dirty, or messy, or hard, they will not be the ones to roll up their sleeves and help me clean it up.

And sometimes beneath sheetrock there are sturdy studs and a strong foundation. I never knew they was there. They didn't make the house more beautiful or elaborate, but they held on through the flood. And so too are some people-quiet, strong and steady. The floods of troubles that wash through their lives or the lives of those around them will not wash them away. They will be the same person you knew them to be in good times as they are in bad. In fact, maybe even better because they are thing that does not get swept away.

And I even found out a little about what lies beneath my own facade. I'm not sure you can ever really know what kind of person you are till you are tested. There is the person you hope you are and then there is the person you really are when times are tough. And I found out one thing about myself. I am stronger than I thought. I will never feel like a "helpless female" again. I have found the strength inside to do things I never thought I could-physically and emotionally. I can withstand and  I can do much more than I knew. And that is good to know.

So...what lies beneath the face you present to the world? Is it all you desire it to be? If not, why not change it? Why not become the person you always hoped you would be? I know this trial is showing me that which I need to change and that which is good and strong-the stuff I need to rip out and throw away like soggy, moldy sheetrock, and the stuff I need to acknowledge and fortify like the sturdy beams and foundation.

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