Friday, November 19, 2010

winding down

2010 is quickly coming to a close and so too my experiment. For me it feels complete, as I know I won't go back to the old TiVo/TV dependent person I was last year just because the new year clicks over. But there is some value in sticking with something through I will. Already I have a new blog in mind. No, I won't tell you what it is... just yet. I have to keep you in suspense for at least a little while.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

how easily we forget

Have you ever noticed how we can completely forget the reality of our past experiences? Today was my second day of watching my grandkids 24/7 while their mommy and daddy are at the hospital. And today, as I sat exhausted and ready to toss the next child who screamed out the window, it hit me. I had forgotten. I'd forgotten what it was like to be a mommy and have someone constantly depending on you and needing you and wanting you. I had forgotten how tiring and challenging it could be and how it could try the patience of a saint.  How could I forget something like that? I mean, intellectually I still knew it. But I could no longer really feel what that experience was like. It made me wonder, what else have I forgotten? What other experiences can I no longer truly empathize with or conjure up in my emotional being? And how does that effect the decisions I make from day to day? If I can't remember what it's like to be in a love-relationship, how can I decide if I want to be in one again? If I can't remember what it felt like to work for a corporation, how will I keep my motivation going to run my own business? I guess the old saying "those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it" applies. So my goal is to keep a clear memory of why my life is where it is today, and not be tricked by forgetfulness to retrace old roads that I've already traveled or be forced to relearn lessons already learned!

Friday, November 12, 2010


Today was a milestone day; the day we welcome my third grandchild, Sidney Belle, into the world. You know what I mean by a landmark day-weddings, funerals, births, first kisses, last goodbyes, etc. In the midst of today, I can't help wondering how our lives will change from here on out. I don't think we ever fully realize just how much one of these momentous events will affect ever day that comes after it. But then if we could see how our lives would shift and morph, we would be called psychics or fortune tellers. How will this little girl change our lives and the lives of those around us? Will she be funny like Nate and make us laugh continually? Or will she be serious and thoughtful like Roo? There is no way to know. But it sure will be fun finding out!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

has it helped

As I look back on 10 months of TV-free living, I wonder how it has shaped my life? For instance, when the flood happened would I have reacted differently if I had had the option of vegging out in front of the TV instead of going out to help with flood recovery? Might I have chosen to sit at home and wait for my old job to reopen instead of working my butt of to start a new business? I suppose there is no real way to know what choices I might have made differently. But I tend to think it has affected things for the good. I still haven't gotten on a workout program like I'd hoped. But I am building a successful practice and doing a lot more with my photography. And I'm getting out and doing things more with friends. I like that. I like the directions it has led me in so far.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

What a day!

I am hoping today our family used up it's bad luck for the month. Two-year-old Nate came down with an ear infection. Seven-year-old Riley lost her diabetes kit with her meter and insulin. And my daughter-in-law is due to deliver her baby on Friday. She was understandably upset by this and several other things that left her a little ragged. We got everything taken care of: meds for the little one, new kit for the older one and everything else will get worked out. But we are certainly hoping for calmer waters and smoother sailing in the days to come so we can thoroughly enjoy the arrival of Miss Sidney Belle and savor the moments as they unfold!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

new technology

Well I have a new little piece of technology that I hope will help me to write/blog more consistently. It is an Epic 4G phone. I would not call myself a techno-phobe, but I can be technically-challenged and often have to ask my son to figure out why the DVD player or some other piece of electronic equipment will not behave as I have come to expect. So this is a big step for me. I have been experimenting with different apps and features and was feeling pretty good about the ability this old dog was showing in learning a new trick or two...that is until the phone rang! And try as I might, no amount of stabbing at the touch screen seemed to work. Well, on the next call I did figure it out. But that was enough to keep me from getting a swelled head over my tech prowess. Now I'm just praying my smart phone is not too much smarter than me!

Monday, November 8, 2010


It's been so long since I've blogged that I feel like I should be in a confessional..."Father forgive me. It's been 3 months since my last blog." I have no excuse except that life got in the way. I have been working hard to get my business up and running and it's definitely paying off. I feel good about what I'm doing and am making good progress. Still, I hate that it has kept me from my goal of writing every day.  But each new day is a chance to start again. So here I go again! See you tomorrow...I hope.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

sacred dance

When I first went to school to become a therapist, massage seemed to me like a sacred dance. Sacred because a person invites you in to touch them in a deeply personal way, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and yes even spiritually. And a dance because of the fluid movements strung together in a flow that feels to me like dancing-moving to the rhythm of the body's timing. Over the five years I worked at the spa, I lost my reverence for the work. It became just a job to me and one I often dreaded. But today, in my own office, in the special place I'd created to do my work, I remembered what it could be-what it should be.  I remembered the joy of asking the body what it needs and seeking permission to be a part of that healing process. I remembered what it feels like to care more about helping the person on my table than I care about the clock or the money.

Until that moment of remembering, I was still having doubts about not returning to my job at the spa. But in that one moment of clarity, I realized this is time to retrieve those pieces of my self I have sold off or have let slip away.  It is time to regain my sense of purpose in this work. I realized I don't ever want to trade in the sacred dance for a health insurance policy and a steady paycheck again. It's much more valuable than those things ever can or will be. And I am so thankful to have remembered before it was too late.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


August-the eighth month of the year. Can 2010 possibly be more than half gone!? Reflecting on the beginning of this blog and my purpose in giving up TV I find I'm a little disappointed in myself. One of the main purposes for pulling the plug was to give myself time and space to develop my writing. I have not done nearly as much of that as I would have liked. Of course, I did lose my job quite suddenly and have been working to start my own practice, so I do have some excuse there. But this was not to be a year of excuses! So I'm verbally kicking myself in the pants here, and committing to getting back on track with my goals. Still 5 months left in the year to move in the right direction!


You want to know the biggest thing I dislike about weddings? That they make me so sappy and sentimental! They make me consider the possibilty of doing it myself at some point in the future one more time. But seriously? After being married twice unsuccessfully, most days I wouldn't even consider going down that aisle again. I am extremely happy with my life and my freedom just the way it is. I know I would have a terrible time adjusting to the demands of such a commitment at this point in my evolution. And yet, when you hear all the vows and the pledges of love everlasting, who can help thinking...well maybe? Thank goodness they don't come around that often!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

sleep eludes me

It is 12:30 and I cannot sleep. In the morning I am supposed to be up at 4:30 so that I can take pictures of Sedona at sunrise and the town of Jerome with my niece. I see a nap in my future tomorrow no doubt! So far, Sedona is beautiful. Bell Rock with it's red face is breathtaking. For the first time, I can see why some find the desert beautiful. I've always preferred the lush green of an alpine mountain landscape, but this has a unique grandeur.

Friday, July 30, 2010


"No one keeps up his enthusiasm automatically.  Enthusiasm must be nourished with new actions, new aspirations, new efforts, new vision.  Compete with yourself; set your teeth and dive into the job of breaking your own record.  It is one's own fault if his enthusiasm is gone; he has failed to feed it."

-Edwin Way Teale

I have obviously failed to feed my enthusiasm. But the question is, "What does enthusiasm eat?" I need to find how and what to feed it or else languish in this sea of blah forever!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Our Deepest Fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."  
A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles."

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

still searching

For some time I've been searching for a local organic farm where I can buy fresh produce. Today I journeyed out to Franklin to check one out that seemed promising. And yet again I was disappointed. They have organic goat, lamb, beef and pig, but very little produce. Those of you who know me, know that I will not eat lamb or veal. I just can't stand the thought of eating those sweet baby animals. I can't even stomach the thought of eating the grown-up versions if I let my mind dwell on it at all, which is why I go through intermittent bouts of vegetarianism. And goat just does not sound appetizing in the least! So it was pretty much a waste for me. But I did manage to get some good photographs...of all the sweet animals before the get eaten! Yikes. And some of the produce and landscape as well. That makes the getting lost and sweating my socks off almost worthwhile. But come on! What does a girl have to do to find fresh veggies in this town?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Motivation...where to find it, how to sustain it? These are big questions for me as the long hot dog days of summer roll out ahead of me. If only there were a motivation store where I could go and stock up! It's such a fleeting thing. Some mornings I wake up full of it and hit the floor running and others I wake up and just hit the floor! What is the magic secret. Did I sleep better, or have more upbeat dreams on the motivated days? Did I eat better, or exercise? I think all of those are factors. The difficult part is, how do you motivate yourself to eat right and exercise when you have zero motivational mojo working!? Hate those Catch 22 scenarios, don't you?

Monday, July 12, 2010

You Can Do Anything...start taking action

You Can Do Anything
You Believe You Can
by Donna Fargo

Just start somewhere. Resolve to do something.
You might even write out what you want to
accomplish. Then explore what you need to do to
reach you goal, and start doing it, step by step.
It's the same as if you were planning a trip: you
get a map, make your preparations, and then start
traveling the right road.

Don't get "bound up" in any problems that stand
in your way. Do something every day to resolve
them. Trust your instincts. Do one thing at a time.
Remember... if you sow seeds of fear, doubt, panic,
and procrastination, it will most likely work against
you. If you keep doing the same things you're
doing now, you will keep ending up in similar
places to where you are now.

Once you start making progress towards your goal,
you will be magically propelled towards eventual
reward. Just keep listening and taking direction
from inside you. Be patient; your dreams will not
come true overnight. But start now, and go with
love and courage and confidence. Don't be afraid.
You can do anything you believe you can. And
don't forget to keep an open mind and heart to
check yourself along the way.

You can do it! Go for it, and good luck.
~ Donna Fargo ~

Monday, June 28, 2010


Well, it's been over a week since I put my thoughts down here. I have to tell you I've been in quite a "funk" this past week. Not really depressed, but more of a feeling of being plain worn out. So I went into recharge mode, doing only what absolutely needed to be done and forgetting the rest. I suppose we all need that from time to time. I took lots of afternoon naps and didn't do much of anything really. Not productive to say the least, but maybe it was productive in some way. Maybe it produced a space for me to breathe and to settle and to adjust. So many things are happening in my life right now, it seems hard to keep pace. So a little down time might have been just what the Dr. ordered.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Beware of Monday

After our wonderful adventure last week with experiencing Nashville as a tourist, we decided we would make this Monday part two of the adventure and check out some of those places we'd passed by on our last trek. It was a good thought, but didn't work as well as we'd hoped.

It all started with the parking delema. We were trying to be economical so we didn't want to pay $15 for a spot to leave the car, while at the same time not parking so far that we would roast in the sweltering summer heat. (I never realized what a parking nightmare Nashville is!) Enter idea number one. Let's park at the Library. I have a couple books I need to return anyway so we can get our ticket validated and go on to our tourist activities. Nice idea right? Well, guess what? The library is not open on Monday, so no dropping off the books and no validating of tickets. OK, we shake it off. It's still the cheapest parking around so we'll leave it there and head out to the TN State Museum under TPAC. Guess what? The museum is not open on Monday! We did not do very thorough research. Oh well! Shake it off. What about the War Memorial Museum? Nope! It's closed too. Apparently Monday was not a good choice of days. Perhaps everyone in Nashville needs Mondays to recoup from the weekends of all night honky tonkin'?

At last, we find one site open- the State Capitol. It is a very impressive building, the tour is free and the big bonus...very cool inside! Jackpot! Did you know there are two people buried in the building? I think that's kind of creepy, but no worries. The grounds are beautiful too with a great statue of Andrew Jackson on horseback. So the day was not a total loss. And after getting home and fixing dinner, we had some cool lemon sorbet. Nothing better after a day of sweating it out like a Nashville tourist in June! If you want to check out Nashville's sites I have one word of caution, "Beware of Mondays!".

Sunday, June 13, 2010


Life is such a series of choices, from the small and mundane to the life-changing variety. Take this morning, I had to choose between the chocolate doughnuts on the counter or making a fresh fruit smoothie-mundane but important. Many small choices in this department determine how I feel, look and function in the future. I dodged the doughnuts and went for the smoothie. Good choice!

Then there are the choices I've been struggling to make over the past several weeks regarding my future employment. These are of the scary, life-changing variety. At times we are limited by the feeling we have few options and at other times, we are perplexed by the myriad of choices that seem to tower before us. This is the state in which I find myself at the moment. You see, when my job suddenly disappeared I did what most people would do. I started looking for a new one which involved putting out resumes and quite a few places. I've always heard you have to spread a wide net to catch that one fish. Well, it turns out my net is bursting with fish and it's very hard to determine which fish is the best to fry. Don't get me wrong. I'd much rather have many options to choose from than being forced to take whatever comes along. I just hope I have the insight and wisdom to make the choice that will be the very best for my future.

So here's to choices and the wisdom to make the right ones. Wow, this smoothie is good!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

men's room and other sites to see

On an impromptu walking tour of Nashville Monday, we were told by the hot dog vendor across the street from the Hermitage Hotel that we absolutely HAD to see the men's room. He assured us the doorman would not try to throw us out based on this request. Now, I have at least once or twice, walked into a men's restroom by accident and it was not a comfortable place to be for a lady. So the thought of walking into one on purpose seemed more than a little strange, but it was a day built for adventure so we threw caution to the wind. Me to the doorman, "This is a really strange question, but can we see the men's restroom?" He laughed and said it wasn't strange at all and showed us the way. The hostess at the restaurant knocked on the door to make sure the coast was clear. A gentleman came out and seemed quite amused that we wanted to see it, so he offered to give us the grand tour. It was a very cool, art deco room looking like something straight out of a 1920's movie, complete with shoe shine stand. Who knew?!

Who knew Nashville had so many cool and unusual places? Like the old time barber shop that just opened up, complete with antique barber chairs and straight razor hot shaves. Or all the wonderful murals painted on sides of random buildings. Or the War Memorial Plaza with all sorts of wonderful sculptures in bronze. Or the museum with fossils found in TN. Or the cupcake shop at the Arcade. Not to mention the art galleries on the top floor of the Arcade and all the wonderful little places to eat.

As we finished the afternoon, we jotted down a list of all the places we wanted to go back and see and the things we wanted to do. We found it can be great fun to be a tourist in your own hometown. Try it some time! I bet you'll see things you never knew were there the men's room at the Hermitage Hotel.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Incredible City

I just want to to say what a truly incredible city Nashville is! I am not a native Nashville-ite, but I have lived here for thirteen years, yet today a saw the city like a tourist. And you know's a pretty awesome place. We went down to the Frist to see the Chihuly Exhibit and the glass-blowing demonstration this morning. It turned out they were having problems with the propane tanks to run the furnaces, so the demo was postponed. We were a little disappointed, but decided to take the opportunity of a beautiful day and stroll around the city taking pictures. I cannot tell you how wonderfully friendly everyone was! From the guy selling Italian ice, to the hot dog vendor,  to the doorman at the Hermitage Hotel, (who didn't think we were strange asking to see the men's room-which the hot dog guy told us we had to see. But that's another story for another time!) everyone was so kind and helpful. They did think we were tourists because of the constant picture taking, but they were super friendly none-the-less. Add to the great people the picture perfect weather, inspiring architecture and some great food (we had Greek for lunch) and you can't help but realize this place is pretty unique. Then after playing at being tourists and walking all over downtown, we headed back to the museum, took the docent tour, saw the rest of the Chihuly Exhibit and then finally the glass-blowing demonstration. I couldn't have asked for a better day if I had been out of town on vacation. Thanks rock! (pictures to follow tomorrow)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

a mind of it's own!

Are you one of those people who fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow? If so, I officially hate you. Well...not really, but I certainly ENVY you. It takes me at least half an hour to fall asleep on a good night and if I have a bunch on my mind it can take an eternity. Someone told me I should just stop thinking. Well, that would be nice, but my brain doesn't seem to have one of those handy "off" switches. In fact, quite to the contrary. I am absolutely sure my mind has a mind of it's own, and it does NOT listen to me. I've tried getting up and making a list, telling myself I can worry about it at a certain time in the future, concentrating on my breathing, and on and on. But like one of those slippery toys that kids play with, as soon as I grab it and and think I have control of it, my mind slips out of my grip and continues on it's own agenda. Ok, I know it's a little schizophrenic sounding. But I'm not afraid of being called bonkers. Won't be the first time, or the last I'm sure! ;-) Plus I hear all the best people least a bit.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Road Trip

I am seriously considering a long road trip this summer. I mean, when will I ever have such a long stretch with no work again? (hopefully not anytime in the foreseeable future!) I have so many friends and family spread out all over the country. I could visit Boston, Wyoming, Montana, Idaho, Texas, Florida, Wisconsin, California and Arizona without ever having to stay in a hotel. Plus I think it would be wonderful to just explore with no time restraints and take pictures to my heart's content. I'm not sure it's the most responsible thing to do. I should probably stay here and try to make some money. But then money isn't everything and some opportunities only come around once! Decisions, decisions...!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

100th post

Well, this is my 100th blog post. It is so interesting for me to go back and look at the beginning of this journey. It illustrates so perfectly how unexpectedly life can change. At the beginning of the year, I had no clue the events that would unfold over the past month. If you had asked what I would be doing in June, I certainly wouldn't have said applying for college and working to get my private massage practice going. I fully expected to be working at the spa and preparing for my once-in a-lifetime trip to Italy. The trip is uncertain at this point. It all depends on the school factor. While I would like to think I could handle taking two weeks off school, come back and make up the work with ease; it HAS been an awfully long time since I was a student and I'm very unsure how hard all this will be for me. I have been assured I won't be the oldest Freshman ever, but it sure feels like it!

All that said, I'm not depressed and most days not too anxious or neurotic. I think it will all work out for the best. And I'm certain my life will be different now than I expected. I just pray for the wisdom to discern the path I should pursue and the strength and ability to follow it and make my life all that it should be!

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Glass Exhibit

I saw the most incredible exhibit of blown glass by Chihuly at Cheekwood today. It was terribly hot and humid, but worth the gallon or so of sweat I shed in order to get some truly otherworldly pictures. Some of them look like alien creatures, some like delicate flowers and others like graceful waterbirds, floating gourds or giant marbles. The colors, shapes and textures combined with those of the flowers, greenery and water to create a feast for the eyes. I loved it!

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Flexibility is a wonderful thing wether it is used in yoga class or in life. I feel it's one of the lessons I'm learning through the current state of events in my life. I'd always thought of myself as a flexible person before, but looking back I realize I had a lot more rigidity than I would admit to myself. Take today as an example. I had planned to go down to the Farmer's Market with Riley, have lunch at one of the little eateries there, stroll around, buy veggies and find some cool things to take pictures of at the same time. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way. We got to the market, both of us hungry as all get out, to find the whole indoor section with the cafes was closed for renovation. So we hopped back in the car. On to plan B. I thought I would drive a little further into downtown and find a little cafe there to eat, again stroll around and find some cool picture opportunities. That too did not pan out. Turns out there was a huge graduation going on at the arena, mucho traffic and with my directional abilities I ended up a little turned around and not being able to find what I was looking for. So, on to Plan C-Riley and I ended up at BK. We ate lunch and then went to Moss Wright park and walked the trail a bit. I did get some lovely pictures of my beautiful "sweetcheeks" as she played on the playground and we ended up having a pretty good time. But certainly not what I had planned. In the past, I think I would have been very irritated and let it ruin any chance of having a fun day. But not today. Today I just went along with the flow and adapted, and it was nice. It was nice not to be uptight about things I can't control, and nice not to have to have everything just perfect and still be able to enjoy it. Nice to finish out the day with a smile on my face and a light heart knowing that all is well, even when life doesn't go according to my plans.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

chasing clouds

Today as I was leaving a friend's house, the sky broke open and the rain poured down. About 5 miles from home, it cleared and the sun was bursting through the clouds in glorious rays. I was sadly without my camera, so I rushed home, grabbed my equipment and jumped back in the car. My plan was to drive up the country road by our house until I could find a nice unobstructed view of the clouds to shoot. As I drove and shot and drove some more, I became so absorbed by the light and the scenery. The rays of late afternoon sun touched everything with a golden glow making even an ordinary field of hay bales seem almost magical. Driving with the window down, the smells of fresh mown grass and honeysuckle played on my senses, as did the warm, moist spring air. Each curve of the road enticed me to go further for glimpses of wildflowers, an unexpected flash of a red barn, a goat playing in a yard, rolling waves of grass meeting a sweet white farmhouse and above it all a glorious sky. It was all so lovely and sparked in me a yearning for some simplicity of life that I often lack. A simple way of living closer to what is important and less cluttered-less cluttered by things and by constant doing and worry. So I guess sometimes chasing clouds can really bring you down to an incredible way.

Sunday, May 23, 2010


Well, tomorrow I go to the local community college to talk to an admissions counselor. How daunting is it to do that for the first time at the age of 46? But I guess it's better late than never, right?! I have no idea what I want to study or what career I hope to pursue. I just know I can't do massage forever. Today, I had an Ashiatsu massage, which is done completely with the feet,  so that may be an option to prolong the massage career somewhat. But I still think I need to begin preparing for an alternative. I'm thinking nutrition may be an option. There is certainly not a shortage of people who need help with their eating habits and I think it would tie in nicely with massage. Maybe one day I could own a mountain or beach retreat, where people go to improve their health through learning how to cook and eat healthfully and at the same time we could use massage to help with detox etc... hmmm, sounds like a good idea to me! I'd go.

Friday, May 21, 2010


A friend of mine posted a hilarious video on FB and I just sat in my room tonight and laughed like a I haven't laughed in a long time. And it felt so good. How does laughter do that? Is it the bible that says "Laughter does good like a medicine"? It is so true. It is like a medicine for our souls. I need to do it more often, let go of my seriousness and tap into the silly side. It makes me feel light and younger and set free of the weight of worry that I feel so heavily on me at times. It's as if I can block it (worry) out of the "surface" of my life, but am continually aware of the undertow beneath. But when I really laugh like that, I break free from the undertow itself. Like swimming freely in calm cool water, it's quite lovely!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Be a learner

"I divide the world into learners and non-learners. There are people who learn, who are open to what happens around them, who listen, who hear the lessons. When they do something stupid, they don't do it again. And when they do something that works a little bit, they do it even better and harder the next time. The question to ask is not whether you are a success or a failure, but whether you are a learner or a non-learner." Benjamin Barber

We are so focused on success sometimes that each time we attempt something and don't make it, we see it as a failure. But if we learn from it, it is anything but a failure. We like to say that life is not a destination but a journey. And the journey is all about what we learn - what we learn about ourselves, what we learn about others and the world around us. And let's face it, sometimes we learn more through the so-called failures than we do the successes. If we pay attention. If we say, "Hey, that doesn't work. Don't think I should do that again." If we have that awareness, then we've eliminated one of the ways that doesn't work and narrowed the field of choices that do. We are one step closer. We move one step closer to accomplishing our goal or one step closer to becoming the best version of ourselves-that person who is the most authentic "you" in all your glory!

So try, and fail, and learn, and grow, and then try some more. It's all part of the processes of knowing and becoming who you are truly meant to be!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I'm sorry to see that I can't seem to get back here to write more than once a week. Have I returned to my couch potato ways, you may be wondering? Heaven forbid!  But I have found that being unemployed can be the busiest of full-time occupations. I have been running around, dropping off applications, doing interviews, looking for opportunities, making business cards, checking into returning to school and creating websites. It's quite hectic.

In this process, I'm discovering many things. Discovering what is important and what isn't is right at the top of the list. And I'm realizing that I'm just not willing to waste time on the things that are unimportant to me anymore. There are people that sadly fall into that category as well. Not that they aren't important as people-they just aren't the people that I now choose to have in my life. Maybe that sounds selfish, but I see it as a strength. This life is so fleeting. Why squander such a precious commodity on triviality?

And I find myself excited at the new prospects ahead of me. Each day seems to morph, evolve and change as it progresses. I'm never quite sure where it or I will end up at the last. At first, this was a completely un-nerving fact to the woman who thrives on order and schedules and such. But now, I am coming to see it as an adventure. An adventure that reveals what the universe has in store for me that day. Each day brings growth and progress and new beginnings and awakenings. And like a flower, I am so very grateful to be experiencing each one as it blooms into it's fullness.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

What lies beneath?

I heard someone say this week "Now I know what's underneath carpet," as we were pulling up the soggy wet mess. And as the week wore on, I realized that now I know what lies beneath lots of things.

I know what is beneath sheet rock. Sometimes it's insulation and sometimes it's empty where insulation should have been. Not so different from what lies beneath people's smiles. Sometimes there is substance to their warmth and sometimes a hollow void. I've realized that some of the people I've thought would be there in a crisis, probably wouldn't I've heard them say "I'd like to help, but I don't like to touch dirty things". So I know, if my life gets dirty, or messy, or hard, they will not be the ones to roll up their sleeves and help me clean it up.

And sometimes beneath sheetrock there are sturdy studs and a strong foundation. I never knew they was there. They didn't make the house more beautiful or elaborate, but they held on through the flood. And so too are some people-quiet, strong and steady. The floods of troubles that wash through their lives or the lives of those around them will not wash them away. They will be the same person you knew them to be in good times as they are in bad. In fact, maybe even better because they are thing that does not get swept away.

And I even found out a little about what lies beneath my own facade. I'm not sure you can ever really know what kind of person you are till you are tested. There is the person you hope you are and then there is the person you really are when times are tough. And I found out one thing about myself. I am stronger than I thought. I will never feel like a "helpless female" again. I have found the strength inside to do things I never thought I could-physically and emotionally. I can withstand and  I can do much more than I knew. And that is good to know.

So...what lies beneath the face you present to the world? Is it all you desire it to be? If not, why not change it? Why not become the person you always hoped you would be? I know this trial is showing me that which I need to change and that which is good and strong-the stuff I need to rip out and throw away like soggy, moldy sheetrock, and the stuff I need to acknowledge and fortify like the sturdy beams and foundation.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Flood day 4

There are so many things running around in my head and I'm so very tired that I can't promise this post won't be a tumbled, jumbled mess...but here goes.

I am trying to come up with an adequate way to put into words what my experience has been like these past few days as I try to do some small part to help those whose lives have been turned upside down by the floods. Here's the best way I can describe it:

Think of moving day and how bone-weary all-out exhausted you are when you get all your belongings to your new home. Now picture taking the hose and soaking down everything so it weighs about 3 times what it should. Then picture dragging this heavy load not to a shiny new home, but to the curb to be picked up by sanitation services. Oh, and then pull out all the carpet, padding, insulation, flooring and dry wall remembering that the water it is soaked in is a fetid mixture of sewer, diesel fuel and god only knows what else. This is the part I've experienced, the physical part. And it is horrendous and crushing, but my muscles will heal. The rest I've only witnessed.

Now think about every sweet memory you possess in pictures, cards, letters, trophies, souviniers, babies first lock of hair and more. And think of the crushing emotional weight of having to sort through those things only to realize most of it will join the remains of the rest of your earthly possessions on the curb to be picked up like trash. And then think of having lost your husband, wife, mother, brother, son, daughter or pets as well. And possible your livelihood. It is completely incredible to me that any human being survives something like this.

To say it has made me realize what is important is an understatement. There are events in your life that will change it and you forever. Your life will never be the same after you come through those events and this is certainly one for me. I am re-examining everything about my life and myself. What is truly important? Why am I here? How have I lived so shallowly until now? And how can I change that in the future. How could I fail to change it, having experienced such things. This is definitely not a "aren't i so great" moment because I'm getting my hands dirty. It's more of a why haven't I been getting my hands dirty for the past 40 years? Why haven't I spent myself on doing things that really matter? I'm going to find a way to live this out every day. Not just during the flood recover, but every day after that as well. Maybe the flood has washed away some of the debris of triviality from my soul. I certainly hope so!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Flood day 3

Yesterday I went down to one of our small communities that was hard hit by the flood. There were a bunch of people gathering to help neighbors, no red cross or other organization like that. We helped three different families to clean up and return furniture to dry parts of their houses etc...It felt really good to be doing something. I have to admit that helping is really doing so much more for me than anyone else. I know if I were sitting at home I would be going crazy worrying about not having a job and how I'm going to survive. And it's not that I'm not trying to come up with ideas and a plan. I sat down with a friend last night and brainstormed and we came up with good solid things to do. But right now people need help and right now I need to be helping. I need to move, and do, and channel my energy to something positive, and to feel like I have a purpose! It makes me feel stronger and more in control instead of defeated and controlled by the circumstances.

Tomorrow we are getting the spa people together at Annie's house. We miss each other. I told Annie I felt like we have not only lost our jobs, but our families as well. The people I work with are like another family to me and I'm determined to keep them close. Hopefully we can cheer each other, support each other and brainstorm on ways to get through this.

The sun is shining, sky is blue and you would never know there was anything wrong in the world at this moment! Soak it in and just be.

Monday, May 3, 2010


This has been a wild weekend with emotions swinging from despair to elation and back again. The rains came down, and came down, and came down some more. I was so thankful that my friends and family were safe and none of us had been seriously harmed or displaced from our homes. Only to wake up this morning to find my job is under about 10 feet of water. I've heard estimates of 3 months to Christmas time for reopening and none of that gives me the warm fuzzies. I know the news likes to dramatize things, but what if they are right? I don't have the means to go 3-6 months without a job. I have no idea how to be unemployed. I've worked since I was 14. It's just not a word in my vocabulary.

I'm trying not to let myself panic or assume the worst. I keep telling myself perhaps this will be the catalyst for me to find something better and more fulfilling, allowing me to move more towards what my heart has been seeking. I've got to keep myself positively focused so that I can attract what I desire and not what I fear. Right? Focus on the good, on the possibilities, on the doors that might be opened, on the strength that this will build in me. Only if I keep myself focused on the positive, can I be of any help to myself or others. So I'm looking for the silver lining to this dark cloud. How can I grow, how can I help, how can I move forward to end up better than when I started?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

picture day

I traded days at the spa today so that I could go do some pictures for a business in Hillsboro Village. I was done by 10:30, so I decided to go to a Nashville landmark that I've always wanted to try out-The Pancake Pantry. Their pancakes were good, but I think it should be called Heavenly Hashbrowns!  They were the bomb. Then I picked up a couple of books at the main library downtown. What a beautiful building! And I was so sleepy from my huge heavy breakfast, I decided to come home and take a nap on this perfect-for-napping stormy afternoon. Now I am on to downloading the pictures from this morning and then later tonight going out to Vandy to work at a chair massage event. Whew! Busy day, but good.

Monday, April 26, 2010

two reminders

Yesterday, I received not one, but two reminders of just how precious this life is and how very blessed I am.

Driving to Vanderbilt hospital to do a massage for a man who had cancer, I came very close to having a horrible car wreck. There was an SUV two cars ahead of me that suddenly swerved, then flipped and then started to skid into the car in front of me. I had a concrete barrier beside me and nowhere to go, so I just held on tightly to the wheel. Somehow the car in front of me missed the upside down vehicle and I followed closely behind him, coming within inches of the wrecked truck. I looked in my rear-view to see about 5 cars pulling over to help, so I did not try to get off the road to help. I'm sure I could not have been much help, shaking as badly as I was. Somehow I managed to get down to Vandy, park and calm myself down so that I could work on this man with cancer.

He'd had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma (I think) and then some kind of stem cell treatment that had completely messed up his whole digestive tract. He had not been allowed to eat or drink anything, not even water, for 22 days! I cannot even imagine how horrible that would be. His mother told me how much he longs for just a sip of water.

On the way home, part of me was extremely sad.  I think it bought up feelings about my dad and how I had not been able to be there or to help him in any way when he was slipping away with bone cancer. I never really got to say goodbye. We thought he was getting a little better and I had a flight scheduled, but then he passed away. And part of me was sad for this man I'd just worked on who would be so happy just to have a cool drink of water or a bit of food.

And the rest of me was incredibly grateful for this life I have, filled with so many friends and family, a good job, good health, the ability to do so many things that I enjoy doing like dancing, biking, hiking and photography and on top of all that a warm, safe, lovely home, clothes, a car, plenty of incredibly blessed I am! I don't want to take one moment of this gift for granted. I know I'm not promised one moment beyond the one I inhabit right now. And I don't want to take all the wonderful people and things in it for granted, because they are not promised to me tomorrow either. (And you know what? I'm glad I'm not wasting any of the precious moments of this year watching TV...I know I made a good choice in that regard for sure!) Going to bed counting my blessings. :-)

Sunday, April 25, 2010

busy weekend

Well, it's been quite the busy weekend! Friday night I went to TPAC to see the Nashville Ballet perform A Midsummer Night's Dream. it was wonderful. I was mesmerized by their grace. The Saturday went to Cedars of Lebanon for the last day of Dance Escape. Did the workshops during the day and then the dance last night. It was great to see all of the dancers I hadn't seen since last year. Some come from as far away as Canada. It was a blast. Now today after chores, I'm going out to Vandy to do a massage for a cancer patient. I've never worked with him before, but looking forward to the opportunity. And possibly I'll get in a walk on the latter part of this beautiful day. The storms have washed the air clean and the sky is sparkling blue. It would be a shame to let that go to waste by being inside all day!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

working out

I worked out today when I got off of work. I had been trying to do it before work, but this week after just seem to be better. I guess it doesn't matter when, as long as you do it...right!? So, I did a mile on the treadmill, 2 on the bike and 2 on the elliptical. (about 50 minutes) and then did squats and stretching. I'm not sure if I'll be able to walk tomorrow, but I felt good while I was doing it. At some point during the workout, I realized how good and strong I felt. You know, like "I am woman hear me roar" kind of strong. As if I could conquer the world. Is that what they mean be the runner's high? I don't think I've ever felt that before, but I could see why it could be addicting. I need to remember that feeling when I don't want to exercise. Need to remember how good it feels and all the wonderful things it's doing for me. By the way...does my butt look smaller to you? LOL I threw out the scale, so I'm not sure how I will measure progress. Guess I just have to wait for the clothes to start falling off me to know for sure. I'll keep you updated.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

computer virus only takes one bug to make you realize just how very much we rely on computers. All the computers at work were taken out by some bug in the Macafee update. It was horrible. We couldn't do anything. We couldn't check people in or out, make appointments, ring up sales, type documents, find anyone's phone numbers. In short, we were totally useless! At least our hands still worked so we could give massages, but we weren't sure who we were supposed to be massaging because we couldn't see their appointments. Oh well, we got through. But it does make some of those doomsday movies and predictions seem a little more plausible after you experience what the lack of technology can do to a business for just a few short hours! Scary to say the least!!! Better post this while I can, huh?

Monday, April 19, 2010


I have a good friend who is a personal trainer and I was talking with him about exercising, losing weight, getting fit, etc... He said that I needed to throw out my scale! I, of course, told him it was the first thing I do every morning. "How does it make you feel?" he asked. Well, if I've lost weight-good, if I stayed the same-ok, and if I gained-bad. I could tell if it was going to be a good or bad day from that two second encounter with a weigh-in device. How silly is that, to let you mood and outlook for the day be determined by some numbers on a scale!? The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. He is the expert after all. So, this weekend I went through my closet and changed over my clothes for the season, weeded out 4 bags of stuff to take to Goodwill and threw the scale in the bags for good measure. Yikes! We'll see if I survive sans scales. :-)

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Greenway Project

The other day, I was on the internet looking for places to hike and/or bike in and around Nashville. I came across the website for the greenways in Nashville. Two weekends ago, I took a short walk at one end of the Shelby Bottoms Greenway, so I was a little familiar with them. But I was frustrated with the site, because it really didn't give you much information about the sites, other than a map. So I thought, wouldn't it be fun to go to all the greenways and write up descriptions with pictures so that people would have a better idea of what they were like.

Today was my first visit. I started with Shelby Bottoms since I was a bit familiar with it and chose to ride my bike instead of walk. And I could not have picked a more perfect day for a bike ride if I had tried. It was 65 degrees and sunny with a slight breeze and bright blue skies. Absolutely gorgeous. We did about 10 miles which was the complete loop, plus a little extra. I thought maybe I would post the log here, but I can't do what I'd like with pictures, so I will create a site to write and post the greenway project notes for anyone who is interested. I will tell you, if you are looking for a place to bike, walk or skate, Shelby Bottoms is a great pick!

Ok, off to do a little stretching and then bed. I should sleep well tonight!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

strange day

So...I had to go into work for an hour this morning to do a massage for a VIP. I was planning on being there for one hour. After I did the massage, I decided I should pay back my hair stylist. She'd done my hair and then I was supposed to giver her a massage in trade. But over the last month we hadn't been able to work it in, so I thought this would be a good day to do that. Then one of the people on my team was having a problem and needed to talk, so there goes another hour. By then it was lunchtime and I was hungry, so I went to lunch with everyone. Got back to the spa and decided to get a facial since it was so slow. (it was wonderful) And of course I had to get my workout in. When I got done working out Rikki says she can get me in to do my hair. So now I have a spicy new haircut/color. And 8 hours later...I'm finally home! Did get to go to dance class, but picked up a DVD on the way home and watched it with the kids. It was a good albeit strange day.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

perception of reality


"We do not see things as they are.  We see them as we are."

-The Talmud

"To a large degree "reality" is whatever the people who are around at the time agree to."

-Milton H. Miller

How much does your attitude determine your reality? How much does your choice of companions influence your reality? Are you hanging out with people who are always negative, down, pessimistic? Then your reality will reflect that dark cloud. Two people can witness the exact same incident and come away with completely different explanations of the event. It is their own perception that creates for them the reality of that moment. So perhaps I should choose to see things differently and alter my reality?

Monday, April 12, 2010



"Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings.  It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind."

-Mark Twain

How very true! And what would our lives be like if we could calm that storm? Or better yet, harness the power of the storm to create something incredible. Like using the electricity from a lightning bolt, we could power our dreams and make them into reality. 

Sunday, April 11, 2010


Percy Warner Park, blue skies and 80 degrees. What could be better?! I hiked six and a half miles today. That was a pretty good jaunt for someone how hasn't hiked in months. I may pay for it tomorrow, but right now I feel pretty good. And we saw an owl. He'd just caught something and was making a tasty treat of it. I hope I got some good pictures of him. I really like owls and had always thought it would be so cool to have one as a pet. You know, instead of a boring old parakeet. But I don't think I'd like to have to feed one. I think they only eat live things like mice. And besides,  I don't think I could stand the constant questions..."Who?" "Who?" "Who?". LOL g'night folks!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

21 Keys to a Happy Life

A Journey To Joy

  1. Compliment three people every day.
  2. Watch a sunrise.
  3. Be the first to say "Hello."
  4. Live beneath your means.
  5. Treat everyone as you want to be treated.
  6. Never give up on anybody; miracles happen.
  7. Forget the Jones'.
  8. Remember someone's name.
  9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.
  10. Be tough-minded, but tender hearted.
  11. Be kinder than you have to be.
  12. Don't forget that a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
  13. Keep your promises.
  14. Show cheerfulness even when you don't feel it.
  15. Remember that overnight success usually takes 15 years.
  16. Leave everything better than you found it.
  17. Remember that winners do what losers don't want to do.
  18. When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten every one's day.
  19. Don't rain on other people's parades.
  20. Don't waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
  21. Keep some things to yourself and don't promote havoc by hurting people you love.
source unknown

Monday, April 5, 2010

lucky girl

I walked in the door from work tonight and the little man comes running full speed yelling "Nonna" with the biggest smile on his face, arms outstretched. I'm going to tape that one of these days. And if I ever get to feeling sorry for myself or ungrateful for my life, I only need watch that to remind me of how very lucky I am. Then we took a walk to the park in the warm evening breeze. So nice! I'm loving the beautiful weather and the chance to be outside again. Need to get my bike tuned up so I can get riding...another thing that makes me happy. I always feel that sense of child-like freedom when I ride my bike. And we all need to feel that every once in a while, don't we!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

what a weekend

Wow, what a weekend! I think I did 12 West Coast Swing workshops in the last 3 days and probably another 12 hours of social dancing. And it was a blast! I haven't had that much fun in a long time. There were so many good dancers there, so when I wasn't dancing, I was watching. And then the pro show was incredible. I need to do ALOT more weekends like this. Not only did I feel like I really made some improvements in my dancing, but it really made me happy. I came away from the weekend with a huge smile on my face and my spirit feeling refreshed. Of course, my body is a little tired, but it's well worth that small price. Oh, and almost as exciting as the dancing was the fact that I think I may have actually found that most elusive of creations...a comfortable and cute pair of dance shoes. I danced in them all weekend long and my feet are feeling good. How awesome is that?!

Back to work and the real world tomorrow...but I go back with a happy heart. :-)

Thursday, April 1, 2010


This weekend there is a west coast swing event here in town and I plan on doing a BUNCH of dancing! I am soooo looking forward to it. I hope I can learn some new stuff at the workshops and get in lots of practice. I wish my back wasn't being so cranky, but I plan on hitting the chiropractor in the morning so I can get started on the right foot. No pun intended. The kids have gone to Gatliburg for the weekend and I can already tell the house will be way to quiet without the munchkins, so it's a good thing I won't be here much to ramble around in the silence. Of course, that means no easter egg hunt, but we'll just have to have our own when they get back. Better hop on over to the easter egg store some time this weekend then I guess and get supplies!

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I talked to my friend Thomas the personal trainer today. He agreed to help me come up with a fitness plan this weekend. But first he asked if I was willing to do what it takes to reach my goals? That's a good question. Am I? If I am, why have I not been able to do it till now. Is it lack of knowledge, lack of motivation, or what? If it's lack of knowledge, Thomas can help me with that. If it is motivation that's needed, I think the desire to look my best for the trip of my life should be enough. I just need to keep my focus on the prize.

Monday, March 29, 2010

check in

It's not quite the end of the month, but I decided to go ahead and do my check-in tonight. It has been almost 3 months with no TV. Has it been worth it? Am I accomplishing what I hoped?

It has definitely been worth it. But I am still not accomplishing all I hoped. I think I need yet a little more structure and planning.

On the fitness front, I am not happy. I have managed to lose about 8 pounds, but I have 20 more to go and Sept 21 is fast approaching. I think I need to enlist the help of a professional. I have a friend who is a fitness trainer and I am going to ask him to help me come up with a fitness routine/schedule/plan. Next week I will begin working a later shift on Mon and Tues so my start times will be consistently later. If I can get myself into the routine of working out before I start my work day, I think it will really help. Any suggestions on how to get and stay motivated? I'll take any and all help in that department.

On the writing front, I am making slower progress than I hoped. I have managed to write almost every day either here, or journaling, but I am making no headway on the fiction novel idea. I'm thinking I should start out with something smaller perhaps, as a novel just seems too daunting at this point. Maybe I could do the character sketches for the novel as short projects, then work on writing short stories about each and eventually use that material to create the basis of the book. I am reading a good book write now called "How to Write What You Love". The author says this about finding time to write, "...if you use only two hours per day, Monday through Friday, you could develop into a working professional writer within one year without interrupting anything in your already established routine." Well, I've already cleared out the two needed hours per day by cutting out TV. Now the challenge is to spend those two hours writing and writing with purpose. I like a lot of the suggestions he makes and I think I'm going to start trying to put them to use.

I'm feeling quite scared and vulnerable right now-with a host of thoughts running through my brain about putting so much effort into something and hoping for a specific result, but having the possible outcome be finding out I'm not good enough? What if the raw material, the talent, just isn't there? I guess I'll never know if it is or it isn't until I put my full effort into. And if it isn't, at least I can say I followed my dream. At least I can say I gave it my best shot. Right?

Sunday, March 28, 2010


My weekend was wonderful! I drove up to Knoxville for a west coast swing workshop and then stayed for a dance. They had some really wonderful dancers there. It was so fun to be exposed to new patterns and styles. I didn't get much done after I got home today. I was kind of wiped out so I took a nap and then enjoyed a wonderful pot roast dinner with my family, a movie and just now a hot bath. And you know what, not getting certain things done is not the end of the world. I got the important stuff done this weekend: decompression, relaxing, family time, being with friends and people I care about and lots of dancing. All those things help me to be more of myself. More loving, less stressed. More kind, less frustrated and rushed. After the week I had last week it was just what I needed. Hope I can carry that feeling of being more the person I enjoy being through my week. What makes you feel more like your best self? Have you done it lately? If not, maybe you should. Just a thought. :-)

Friday, March 26, 2010


Well the long work week is finally done, thank goodness. I went to Dance World tonight for the swing dance and it was fun. Heading to Knoxville tomorrow for a swing workshop and dance. And signed up tonight for the swing event that is happening Easter weekend. It's good to get back into the habit of dancing. I miss it when I don't, that's for sure. And I get rusty. Have to get up very early tomorrow to make it to the workshop in time, so sweet dreams. And remember, dancing is good for the soul- well for my soul anyway!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Rough week

It's been kind of a rough week at work. The team has been going through some things that I really don't like to deal with. As I drove home, my hunched-over-the-steering-wheel posture clued me into the fact that I am having trouble leaving my work at work. And one of my very best friends is also going through a briar patch at the moment. And you know what? I have a problem with not being able to make it all better. I guess the mommy in me wants to be able to kiss every boo-boo and make it disappear. And when I can't, when it's too big or too deep or just plain out of my control, I don't like it. Not one little bit! I was born to take care of people and to nurture people. It's simply who I am. When I can't fulfill that role, it really sucks for me. So I need to find ways to let that all go and to realize I am not the fixer of every problem. My care does not take away every pain, like I would want it too. I have to be satisfied with doing my best and leaving the rest to The Spirit. Ah....letting go...sooooooo much easier said than done. :-)

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

small differences

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee."
-Marion Wright Edelman

Small differences-
I like this idea of focusing on some small thing we can do everyday to make someone's life in our sphere of influence a little better, a little brighter. Today, I found a way to do that. There was someone I know who is going through a rough time. I sent her a text telling her to remember she is loved today. It was a small thing, I know. But she replied and said how much she needed to hear that today. And so that small thing was also a really good thing, a really nice thing. Did I save the world? No. But maybe I made it just the tiniest bit better by reaching out and by caring.

Monday, March 22, 2010

the right foot

Well spring is not giving a very good showing so far. Today's high was in the low forties and cloudy/ rainy. But on the bright side, tomorrow is supposed to be in the sixties. I'm not sure if it is the up-and-down weather or what, but my moods have been very up and down as well. Tonight I feel sad, for no real reason. I wish I knew how to get myself out of these funks when they descend, but it seems no matter how hard I try to change my mood, it won't budge. Need to find new strategies. Maybe I'm just tired and it's nothing a good night's sleep won't cure. Am going to go to sleep counting my blessings and thinking all the positive thoughts I can muster. Determined to start tomorrow out on the right foot!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

26 years ago

It is so strange to think that 26 years ago tonight, I was laboring to bring my son into the world. It was probably the hardest and also the most wonderful thing I've ever done in my life. My son has grown into an incredible young man with two children of his own. He works extremely hard to take care of his family and he is an awesome daddy who is completely involved in the care and raising of his children unlike so many men. I am so proud to be the person that brought him here, although I certainly can't claim the glory for all of who he turned out to be. For that, I am not solely responsible. But I am honored that I had a hand in it at least.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

attitude check

I just saw a video on FB by a young man born with no arms and no legs. His name is Nick Vujicic and he is quite amazing. He travels the world encouraging people to live life with purpose and his example speaks louder than any sermon. What an attitude check! I sometimes let myself get upset about Riley's condition and start to question why this would happen to her etc...This young man's story just made me realize how very fortunate we are and also that the fullness of our lives is not defined by our physical  limitations. It is our attitude that determines our destiny. And our attitudes are produced by our minds and spirits. If you've never seen him, check out

but be prepared to have a major attitude check!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Present attitude

"Happiness is a present attitude - not a future condition."
-Hugh Prather

I love this quote. I think I already wrote something about this recently, but it keeps coming back to my attention so it must be something I need to focus on or explore more. The only place you can be happy is in the now. Not tomorrow or yesterday, but in your life now. In the midst of the dirty laundry and the phone ringing and the kids crying. Or in the midst of a beautiful sunny day sitting in  the park watching your kids laugh and play. There has to be something in each moment we can be grateful for. Do I have my health? If so, I am grateful. Did I eat good food today ? I am grateful. Did I have a job to go to today? Grateful. Did I have a car to get me around where I needed to go, people in my life who love me, a warm safe place to lay my head at night? Grateful, grateful, grateful! Please don't let me take these "ordinary" blessing for granted. Don't let me take this extremely blessed life I lead for granted. Let me be thankful in every moment for at least some small thing. Then I will experience happiness as a present condition and not some vague future possibility.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Getting Over It

Have you ever had a falling out with someone (a friend, boyfriend, relative) and then you hear this person has had something bad happen in their life? Let's say they get very ill, someone breaks their heart, they lose their job, have a car accident or something of the sort. And once this "thing" hits, you forget all about your distance and your anger and you just show up to help them. I think it's a great thing... but I wonder why it happens. Does it make us realize the stuff we were fighting about is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things? Or do we decide that even though they have hurt us in some way, we still care too much about them not to be there when they need us? Is it a mark of maturity, that we can get over it, forgive and move on? I like to think so. I like to think that there are people out there who I may no longer be on the best terms with, yet one day if I really needed them, they would be there for me. Those are the kind of people I hope I've chosen to be my friends in the past despite any less-than-perfect parting.

As I face rocky relationships in the future, perhaps I will remember that not every relationship ends because one of the people in it is a bad person. Probably, they are both good people who just don't see eye-to-eye anymore and would still be there for each other if the chips were down. If I can remember this, maybe the rocky places won't be quite so rocky anymore.

Sunday, March 14, 2010


I have been very derelict in my writing duties this weekend! I hope you will forgive me. It has not been from laziness at least. It was a very busy weekend and the time just slipped by. I went dancing this weekend. Twice! Lots of fun and got to reconnect with friends I haven't seen in a while. Had breakfast with my three girlfriends from massage school who are such wonderful people to have in my life. I'm so happy we are making it a once a month get-together. Had movie night one evening and made a ring inspired by one I saw at the art crawl last week. It turned out really nice. And I think on our next girl's get-together were all going to make them as a project. I bought shoes and clothes for my trip. Got some really cute stuff. I don't think there's much more in the way of clothes that I will need, so that is a big check on the to-do list! Cleaned out the refrigerator, went grocery shopping and got my veggies all cut up and ready for the week ahead. And crossed off several other things that I needed to get done. So all-in-all, a weekend well spent. Back to work tomorrow. Ready for the new week? I feel like I am.

Thursday, March 11, 2010


I did not fall into the pit last night. I triumphed over my craving! I am not sure how and it was certainly no thanks to one of my co-workers who was enticing me to go have a burger with him once he heard of my weakness. Why is that? Whey do people like to help you stumble when you are trying to be good? No matter. I didn't go for the burger. I went home and had a banana and some cashew butter. But you want to know what really stinks? Tonight the craving was back even stronger. I all but pulled into the Hardee's, but at the last minute some vestige of my will power took over and I made it home once again without falling into the pit. I just think it stinks that we have to triumph over the same obstacles again and again. Shouldn't once be enough? But then it would just be too easy wouldn't it. So one day at a time we get up and fight the battles before us. Some days they are the same as we faced yesterday and some days there are brand new dragons to slay. And then other days, there are no dragons at all, just blue, clear skies. Ah....I like those days! Perhaps tomorrow will be a smooth-sailing, light as air, feather floating on the breeze, blue-clear-sky day. You think?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


This is Day 10 of the Detox. (11 days to go) It's been going pretty well, with a couple of minor slips, but tonight I have a HUGE craving for a pepper-jack burger. The kind of craving that grabs hold of you like a pitbull and won't let go. And I'm sitting here wondering how I'm going to make it home without pulling into the drive-thru at some greasy burger joint. I've never been good at dealing with cravings. I guess that's why I've never been skinny. I wonder how others deal with cravings. Any great ideas out there? I'm soooo open to suggestions! Maybe I should call PITA. Do you think they have a hotline to help those that are trying not to eat our furry friends? I bet they do. Think I'll go drink a glass of water. I've heard that's supposed to help. I'll let you know tomorrow if I'm successful in avoiding the gaping chasm that is my craving, or if I dive in head first.

Monday, March 8, 2010

being present

Yesterday I was upset about something, so I decided to take a nice long walk to clear my head. I went to the greenway here in White House and it was warm and the sun was shining. As I walked, I really tried to just be present in the wonderful day and absorb the beauty and peace around me. And you know worked. My mood completely changed, I felt lighter and more clear headed and ready to move on. I wonder how many prescriptions for anxiety, depression and high blood pressure we could do without if we could practice that mindfulness on a daily basis. Just living in the moment and not worrying about the past or the future but completely enjoying this particular slice of our lives. Because in the end, this is our life- all the little moments strung together. It's not some grand place we are going to get to when x, y or z happens. Our lives are right now. My life is right here in this very second, typing on my computer with some kind of mud mask on my face, wrapped in a towel still wet from the bathtub. Can I enjoy it, learn from it, be present in it without wishing for something else? I think I can. No, I think I am.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

art inspiration

Last night I went to the downtown Art Crawl. Wow! I had no idea there were so many art galleries in Nashville. It was really wonderful. It's always amazing to me how exposing myself to new and different experiences can inspire me so deeply. I got several ideas to try with my photography that I am very excited about. Also it helped me to feel more confident in my own work. I loved the photography I saw on the gallery walls, but I realized that my images were just as lovely. I jsut need to keep working and growing and hopefully my work will hang on those walls someday soon.

On a different note, I went for cute on the outfit and shoes and now my feet are Killing me with a capital K! Next time, I'll be more practical.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

depth of experience

"To be a powerful writer, you need depth of experience. Live life before you try to explain it to readers." Dennis Hensley

Depth of experience. Do I have that? I think I do. My life has been rich. Not in terms of money, that's for sure. But in terms of experience. I have loved and hated. I have been hurt and healed. I have nurtured and wounded. I have seen shadow and light, good and evil. I haven't traveled far (yet) but I've had a wealth of friends and some few enemies. I think all that qualifies as depth of experience. The question remaining is do I have the skill to describe and explain that to readers in a way that will move them, that will enrich them and impact them in some way. That is the question that every writer faces as they sit down to wield the pen, or keyboard as the case may be. Not just a question to be answered, but a goal to strive towards.

"Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it, and above all, accurately so the that they will be guided by it's light.
Joseph Pulitzer

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Reality TV?

If "Reality Tv" is not an oxymoron, I don't know what is. Even when I watched TV, I never liked the so-called reality shows. Ok, with the exception of one season of the Biggest Loser. I watched it hoping it would inspire me in my own battle of the bulge. And of course, Dancing with the Stars. But I never really considered that a reality show. It's more of a contest, don't you think?

At any rate, hearing people talk about various reality shows today started me wondering. Why do people like these shows so much? Isn't it strange to think that only ten short years ago, these types of shows were virtually unheard of, and now they propagate the television landscape like noxious weeds. You can hardly find a good old sitcom these days. Why do we like to see this mess of people's pain and humiliation served up night after night? Are we so insecure that seeing other people fail and struggle is the way we feel better about our own flailing tribulations? I'm sorry if you are a big fan of Big Brother and the lot. But if you are, I really would like to know: What do you like about it? What is so entertaining about it? And what do you think it says about our society?

Personally, I would be embarrassed for someone from another country to see one of these shows and base their idea of what American life is like on one. In my opinion, they would see the worst of us-our greed, our promiscuity, our shallowness, our cruelty, our most base nature. Frankly, reality tv makes me very glad that I gave up TV! I know I can find much more uplifting things to occupy my time. And I am.

And that concludes my rant for this evening!  ;-)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

detox day two

Day two of the detox went wonderfully! Work was painfully slow, so was cut at two o'clock. But endeavoring to the person who turns lemons into lemonade, I decided to make good use of the time. I decided to use my "free-service" coupons that the boss gave us at the beginning of the year and got a massage and a facial. Both were wonderful. Massage really helps to flush out the toxins. And the facial helps because all those toxins coming out can make your face break out. So I took care of myself on two fronts. I stuck to the plan really well and I worked out! Yes, you heard me right. I actually graced the gym with my presence. I did 35 min (2+ miles) on the elliptical and about 10 min on the rowing machine. My headache was gone when I woke up this morning and I had a decent amount of energy today. I'm pretty happy with day two!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Day One of Detox

Well, today was day one of the Equinox detox. I ate really well. I had an apple and white tea for breakfast, veggie soup for lunch plus grapes, salad for dinner and some cashews, and lots and lots of water. I have a huge caffeine withdrawl headache, so I am headed to a hot bath with Epsom Salt hoping to draw out the toxins and ease the discomfort.

Also today I did a big shopping for all the healthy stuff I want to make readily available. Cause we all know how quick and easy junk food and fast food are. If I want to reach my goal, I have to make eating healthy just as convenient. All in all, pretty happy with the start. Now just have to work to sustain it. Wish me luck!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Spring Cleaning

Do you do spring cleaning? I do. I love it. It seems so therapeutic to me! So this morning a friend put a bug in my ear about doing a spring cleaning of sorts for the body-a detox for the equinox. Spring is typically a time when we think about birth, renewal, awakening and shaking off of winter's long cold embrace. We clean out the cobwebs that have accumulated in the corners of our houses, but how about cleaning out the toxins we've been stuffing away in our systems for the past few months. You know what I'm talking about. All the Thanksgiving turkey, the Christmas Eggnog and cookies, the New Year's Eve drinks, and the warm starchy comfort foods that have gotten us through the long bouts of gray snowy days are tucked away in the recesses of our cells. (not to mention our hips!) So spring is a perfect time to sweep it all out and start fresh. We can take advantage of this energy which transforms a brown, dormant landscape to a blooming, green vista. We can co-operate with this energy to transform our inner landscape from toxic and sludgy to healthy and vibrant.

I've decided to start the cleanse tomorrow. I was sick for quite some time this winter and went through a couple rounds of antibiotics, steroids and countless other medications which I hated to take. There's no denying I've got a bunch of junk that needs tending to. Plus this is the one area from my New Year's goals I haven't seen any progress in to date. Maybe I just need some good Spring energy to jump start my plan! What do you want clean out this Spring? And the harder question to answer...what's stopping you?!