trainer

I talked to my friend Thomas the personal trainer today. He agreed to help me come up with a fitness plan this weekend. But first he asked if I was willing to do what it takes to reach my goals? That's a good question. Am I? If I am, why have I not been able to do it till now. Is it lack of knowledge, lack of motivation, or what? If it's lack of knowledge, Thomas can help me with that. If it is motivation that's needed, I think the desire to look my best for the trip of my life should be enough. I just need to keep my focus on the prize.

check in

It's not quite the end of the month, but I decided to go ahead and do my check-in tonight. It has been almost 3 months with no TV. Has it been worth it? Am I accomplishing what I hoped?

It has definitely been worth it. But I am still not accomplishing all I hoped. I think I need yet a little more structure and planning.

On the fitness front, I am not happy. I have managed to lose about 8 pounds, but I have 20 more to go and Sept 21 is fast approaching. I think I need to enlist the help of a professional. I have a friend who is a fitness trainer and I am going to ask him to help me come up with a fitness routine/schedule/plan. Next week I will begin working a later shift on Mon and Tues so my start times will be consistently later. If I can get myself into the routine of working out before I start my work day, I think it will really help. Any suggestions on how to get and stay motivated? I'll take any and all help in that department.

On the writing front, I am making slower progress than I hoped. I have managed to write almost every day either here, or journaling, but I am making no headway on the fiction novel idea. I'm thinking I should start out with something smaller perhaps, as a novel just seems too daunting at this point. Maybe I could do the character sketches for the novel as short projects, then work on writing short stories about each and eventually use that material to create the basis of the book. I am reading a good book write now called "How to Write What You Love". The author says this about finding time to write, "...if you use only two hours per day, Monday through Friday, you could develop into a working professional writer within one year without interrupting anything in your already established routine." Well, I've already cleared out the two needed hours per day by cutting out TV. Now the challenge is to spend those two hours writing and writing with purpose. I like a lot of the suggestions he makes and I think I'm going to start trying to put them to use.

I'm feeling quite scared and vulnerable right now-with a host of thoughts running through my brain about putting so much effort into something and hoping for a specific result, but having the possible outcome be finding out I'm not good enough? What if the raw material, the talent, just isn't there? I guess I'll never know if it is or it isn't until I put my full effort into. And if it isn't, at least I can say I followed my dream. At least I can say I gave it my best shot. Right?

wonderful

My weekend was wonderful! I drove up to Knoxville for a west coast swing workshop and then stayed for a dance. They had some really wonderful dancers there. It was so fun to be exposed to new patterns and styles. I didn't get much done after I got home today. I was kind of wiped out so I took a nap and then enjoyed a wonderful pot roast dinner with my family, a movie and just now a hot bath. And you know what, not getting certain things done is not the end of the world. I got the important stuff done this weekend: decompression, relaxing, family time, being with friends and people I care about and lots of dancing. All those things help me to be more of myself. More loving, less stressed. More kind, less frustrated and rushed. After the week I had last week it was just what I needed. Hope I can carry that feeling of being more the person I enjoy being through my week. What makes you feel more like your best self? Have you done it lately? If not, maybe you should. Just a thought. :-)

weekend

Well the long work week is finally done, thank goodness. I went to Dance World tonight for the swing dance and it was fun. Heading to Knoxville tomorrow for a swing workshop and dance. And signed up tonight for the swing event that is happening Easter weekend. It's good to get back into the habit of dancing. I miss it when I don't, that's for sure. And I get rusty. Have to get up very early tomorrow to make it to the workshop in time, so sweet dreams. And remember, dancing is good for the soul- well for my soul anyway!

Rough week

It's been kind of a rough week at work. The team has been going through some things that I really don't like to deal with. As I drove home, my hunched-over-the-steering-wheel posture clued me into the fact that I am having trouble leaving my work at work. And one of my very best friends is also going through a briar patch at the moment. And you know what? I have a problem with not being able to make it all better. I guess the mommy in me wants to be able to kiss every boo-boo and make it disappear. And when I can't, when it's too big or too deep or just plain out of my control, I don't like it. Not one little bit! I was born to take care of people and to nurture people. It's simply who I am. When I can't fulfill that role, it really sucks for me. So I need to find ways to let that all go and to realize I am not the fixer of every problem. My care does not take away every pain, like I would want it too. I have to be satisfied with doing my best and leaving the rest to The Spirit. Ah....letting go...sooooooo much easier said than done. :-)

small differences

Action

"We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee."

-Marion Wright Edelman



Small differences-
I like this idea of focusing on some small thing we can do everyday to make someone's life in our sphere of influence a little better, a little brighter. Today, I found a way to do that. There was someone I know who is going through a rough time. I sent her a text telling her to remember she is loved today. It was a small thing, I know. But she replied and said how much she needed to hear that today. And so that small thing was also a really good thing, a really nice thing. Did I save the world? No. But maybe I made it just the tiniest bit better by reaching out and by caring.

the right foot

Well spring is not giving a very good showing so far. Today's high was in the low forties and cloudy/ rainy. But on the bright side, tomorrow is supposed to be in the sixties. I'm not sure if it is the up-and-down weather or what, but my moods have been very up and down as well. Tonight I feel sad, for no real reason. I wish I knew how to get myself out of these funks when they descend, but it seems no matter how hard I try to change my mood, it won't budge. Need to find new strategies. Maybe I'm just tired and it's nothing a good night's sleep won't cure. Am going to go to sleep counting my blessings and thinking all the positive thoughts I can muster. Determined to start tomorrow out on the right foot!

26 years ago

It is so strange to think that 26 years ago tonight, I was laboring to bring my son into the world. It was probably the hardest and also the most wonderful thing I've ever done in my life. My son has grown into an incredible young man with two children of his own. He works extremely hard to take care of his family and he is an awesome daddy who is completely involved in the care and raising of his children unlike so many men. I am so proud to be the person that brought him here, although I certainly can't claim the glory for all of who he turned out to be. For that, I am not solely responsible. But I am honored that I had a hand in it at least.

attitude check

I just saw a video on FB by a young man born with no arms and no legs. His name is Nick Vujicic and he is quite amazing. He travels the world encouraging people to live life with purpose and his example speaks louder than any sermon. What an attitude check! I sometimes let myself get upset about Riley's condition and start to question why this would happen to her etc...This young man's story just made me realize how very fortunate we are and also that the fullness of our lives is not defined by our physical  limitations. It is our attitude that determines our destiny. And our attitudes are produced by our minds and spirits. If you've never seen him, check out www.attitudeisaltitude.com

but be prepared to have a major attitude check!!!

Present attitude

Happiness

"Happiness is a present attitude - not a future condition."

-Hugh Prather



I love this quote. I think I already wrote something about this recently, but it keeps coming back to my attention so it must be something I need to focus on or explore more. The only place you can be happy is in the now. Not tomorrow or yesterday, but in your life now. In the midst of the dirty laundry and the phone ringing and the kids crying. Or in the midst of a beautiful sunny day sitting in  the park watching your kids laugh and play. There has to be something in each moment we can be grateful for. Do I have my health? If so, I am grateful. Did I eat good food today ? I am grateful. Did I have a job to go to today? Grateful. Did I have a car to get me around where I needed to go, people in my life who love me, a warm safe place to lay my head at night? Grateful, grateful, grateful! Please don't let me take these "ordinary" blessing for granted. Don't let me take this extremely blessed life I lead for granted. Let me be thankful in every moment for at least some small thing. Then I will experience happiness as a present condition and not some vague future possibility.

Getting Over It

Have you ever had a falling out with someone (a friend, boyfriend, relative) and then you hear this person has had something bad happen in their life? Let's say they get very ill, someone breaks their heart, they lose their job, have a car accident or something of the sort. And once this "thing" hits, you forget all about your distance and your anger and you just show up to help them. I think it's a great thing... but I wonder why it happens. Does it make us realize the stuff we were fighting about is pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things? Or do we decide that even though they have hurt us in some way, we still care too much about them not to be there when they need us? Is it a mark of maturity, that we can get over it, forgive and move on? I like to think so. I like to think that there are people out there who I may no longer be on the best terms with, yet one day if I really needed them, they would be there for me. Those are the kind of people I hope I've chosen to be my friends in the past despite any less-than-perfect parting.

As I face rocky relationships in the future, perhaps I will remember that not every relationship ends because one of the people in it is a bad person. Probably, they are both good people who just don't see eye-to-eye anymore and would still be there for each other if the chips were down. If I can remember this, maybe the rocky places won't be quite so rocky anymore.

weekend

I have been very derelict in my writing duties this weekend! I hope you will forgive me. It has not been from laziness at least. It was a very busy weekend and the time just slipped by. I went dancing this weekend. Twice! Lots of fun and got to reconnect with friends I haven't seen in a while. Had breakfast with my three girlfriends from massage school who are such wonderful people to have in my life. I'm so happy we are making it a once a month get-together. Had movie night one evening and made a ring inspired by one I saw at the art crawl last week. It turned out really nice. And I think on our next girl's get-together were all going to make them as a project. I bought shoes and clothes for my trip. Got some really cute stuff. I don't think there's much more in the way of clothes that I will need, so that is a big check on the to-do list! Cleaned out the refrigerator, went grocery shopping and got my veggies all cut up and ready for the week ahead. And crossed off several other things that I needed to get done. So all-in-all, a weekend well spent. Back to work tomorrow. Ready for the new week? I feel like I am.

triumphed

I did not fall into the pit last night. I triumphed over my craving! I am not sure how and it was certainly no thanks to one of my co-workers who was enticing me to go have a burger with him once he heard of my weakness. Why is that? Whey do people like to help you stumble when you are trying to be good? No matter. I didn't go for the burger. I went home and had a banana and some cashew butter. But you want to know what really stinks? Tonight the craving was back even stronger. I all but pulled into the Hardee's, but at the last minute some vestige of my will power took over and I made it home once again without falling into the pit. I just think it stinks that we have to triumph over the same obstacles again and again. Shouldn't once be enough? But then it would just be too easy wouldn't it. So one day at a time we get up and fight the battles before us. Some days they are the same as we faced yesterday and some days there are brand new dragons to slay. And then other days, there are no dragons at all, just blue, clear skies. Ah....I like those days! Perhaps tomorrow will be a smooth-sailing, light as air, feather floating on the breeze, blue-clear-sky day. You think?

cravings

This is Day 10 of the Detox. (11 days to go) It's been going pretty well, with a couple of minor slips, but tonight I have a HUGE craving for a pepper-jack burger. The kind of craving that grabs hold of you like a pitbull and won't let go. And I'm sitting here wondering how I'm going to make it home without pulling into the drive-thru at some greasy burger joint. I've never been good at dealing with cravings. I guess that's why I've never been skinny. I wonder how others deal with cravings. Any great ideas out there? I'm soooo open to suggestions! Maybe I should call PITA. Do you think they have a hotline to help those that are trying not to eat our furry friends? I bet they do. Think I'll go drink a glass of water. I've heard that's supposed to help. I'll let you know tomorrow if I'm successful in avoiding the gaping chasm that is my craving, or if I dive in head first.

being present

Yesterday I was upset about something, so I decided to take a nice long walk to clear my head. I went to the greenway here in White House and it was warm and the sun was shining. As I walked, I really tried to just be present in the wonderful day and absorb the beauty and peace around me. And you know what...it worked. My mood completely changed, I felt lighter and more clear headed and ready to move on. I wonder how many prescriptions for anxiety, depression and high blood pressure we could do without if we could practice that mindfulness on a daily basis. Just living in the moment and not worrying about the past or the future but completely enjoying this particular slice of our lives. Because in the end, this is our life- all the little moments strung together. It's not some grand place we are going to get to when x, y or z happens. Our lives are right now. My life is right here in this very second, typing on my computer with some kind of mud mask on my face, wrapped in a towel still wet from the bathtub. Can I enjoy it, learn from it, be present in it without wishing for something else? I think I can. No, I think I am.

art inspiration

Last night I went to the downtown Art Crawl. Wow! I had no idea there were so many art galleries in Nashville. It was really wonderful. It's always amazing to me how exposing myself to new and different experiences can inspire me so deeply. I got several ideas to try with my photography that I am very excited about. Also it helped me to feel more confident in my own work. I loved the photography I saw on the gallery walls, but I realized that my images were just as lovely. I jsut need to keep working and growing and hopefully my work will hang on those walls someday soon.

On a different note, I went for cute on the outfit and shoes and now my feet are Killing me with a capital K! Next time, I'll be more practical.

depth of experience

"To be a powerful writer, you need depth of experience. Live life before you try to explain it to readers." Dennis Hensley

Depth of experience. Do I have that? I think I do. My life has been rich. Not in terms of money, that's for sure. But in terms of experience. I have loved and hated. I have been hurt and healed. I have nurtured and wounded. I have seen shadow and light, good and evil. I haven't traveled far (yet) but I've had a wealth of friends and some few enemies. I think all that qualifies as depth of experience. The question remaining is do I have the skill to describe and explain that to readers in a way that will move them, that will enrich them and impact them in some way. That is the question that every writer faces as they sit down to wield the pen, or keyboard as the case may be. Not just a question to be answered, but a goal to strive towards.

"Put it before them briefly so they will read it, clearly so they will appreciate it, picturesquely so they will remember it, and above all, accurately so the that they will be guided by it's light.
Joseph Pulitzer

Reality TV?

If "Reality Tv" is not an oxymoron, I don't know what is. Even when I watched TV, I never liked the so-called reality shows. Ok, with the exception of one season of the Biggest Loser. I watched it hoping it would inspire me in my own battle of the bulge. And of course, Dancing with the Stars. But I never really considered that a reality show. It's more of a contest, don't you think?

At any rate, hearing people talk about various reality shows today started me wondering. Why do people like these shows so much? Isn't it strange to think that only ten short years ago, these types of shows were virtually unheard of, and now they propagate the television landscape like noxious weeds. You can hardly find a good old sitcom these days. Why do we like to see this mess of people's pain and humiliation served up night after night? Are we so insecure that seeing other people fail and struggle is the way we feel better about our own flailing tribulations? I'm sorry if you are a big fan of Big Brother and the lot. But if you are, I really would like to know: What do you like about it? What is so entertaining about it? And what do you think it says about our society?

Personally, I would be embarrassed for someone from another country to see one of these shows and base their idea of what American life is like on one. In my opinion, they would see the worst of us-our greed, our promiscuity, our shallowness, our cruelty, our most base nature. Frankly, reality tv makes me very glad that I gave up TV! I know I can find much more uplifting things to occupy my time. And I am.

And that concludes my rant for this evening!  ;-)

detox day two

Day two of the detox went wonderfully! Work was painfully slow, so was cut at two o'clock. But endeavoring to the person who turns lemons into lemonade, I decided to make good use of the time. I decided to use my "free-service" coupons that the boss gave us at the beginning of the year and got a massage and a facial. Both were wonderful. Massage really helps to flush out the toxins. And the facial helps because all those toxins coming out can make your face break out. So I took care of myself on two fronts. I stuck to the plan really well and I worked out! Yes, you heard me right. I actually graced the gym with my presence. I did 35 min (2+ miles) on the elliptical and about 10 min on the rowing machine. My headache was gone when I woke up this morning and I had a decent amount of energy today. I'm pretty happy with day two!

Day One of Detox

Well, today was day one of the Equinox detox. I ate really well. I had an apple and white tea for breakfast, veggie soup for lunch plus grapes, salad for dinner and some cashews, and lots and lots of water. I have a huge caffeine withdrawl headache, so I am headed to a hot bath with Epsom Salt hoping to draw out the toxins and ease the discomfort.

Also today I did a big shopping for all the healthy stuff I want to make readily available. Cause we all know how quick and easy junk food and fast food are. If I want to reach my goal, I have to make eating healthy just as convenient. All in all, pretty happy with the start. Now just have to work to sustain it. Wish me luck!